If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
