tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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