hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
