His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
