found the other keg... it's in the tree
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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