I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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