my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
