ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
