She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
