My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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