I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
