I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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