Whod you bang
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
