just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
