my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
