How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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