Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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