im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I would fuck him just for his dog
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