Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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