the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
