and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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