its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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