With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
