I heard we made out
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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