Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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