420 ftw
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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