good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize