Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
