So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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