last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
