just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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