Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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