Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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