Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
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I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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