just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
