After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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