is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
