I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
love makes seman taste better
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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