Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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