That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
