Moan for me like Helen Keller
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i used baking grease as lip gloss
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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