Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
