I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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