This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
