The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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