I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
