How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
