Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
