just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
