I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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