So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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