bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
