im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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