just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
