I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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