I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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