So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
