You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i now understand why vodka
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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