She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
