tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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