Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
