The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
