remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
