I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
