we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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