Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
